Baker…..Patrick Stewart
Young Man…..Rob Schneider
Gay Guy 1…..Tim Meadows
Gay Guy 2…..David Spade
Woman…..Julia Sweeney
[ young Man enters Sexy Cakes bakery ]
Baker: Hi! Welcome to Sexy Cakes, the erotic bakery.
Young Man: I walk by this place, I never thought I’d go inside it.
Baker: Well, I think you’ll find that it’s a little more fun than an ordinary bakery.
Young Man: Yeah, my friend’s having a bachelor party, and I thought it might be kind of fun if I got him an erotic cake.
Baker: Well, you have come to the right place. I have the perfect sexy cake for a bachelor party. [ opens box ] Oh, what about this one. What do you think?
Young Man: Looks like a woman going to the bathroom.
Baker: Yeah! It’s very sexy!
Young Man: What else do you have?
Baker: Oh, I understand.. it’s not, perhaps, your cup of tea. Perhaps, maybe this sexy cake might be more up your alley. [ opens box ]
Young Man: This is the exact same cake.
Baker: No, no, no.. this is chocolate.
Young Man: Yeah, but it’s still a woman going to the bathroom.
Baker: Exactly! [ customers walk in ] Oh.. could you excuse me for a moment?
Gay Guy 1: Hi, we’re here to pick up our cake.
Gay Guy 2: [ sighs ] Yes, the man-on-man lemon meringue.
Baker: Right. [ retrieves cake ] I took a little artistic license with this one, but, well, I think you’ll enjoy the results.
Gay Guy 1: Hey, this is a woman going to the bathroom.
Baker: Yeah, it’s very exciting, isn’t it? That’ll be $15.
Gay Guy 1: We wanted a cake of two guys having sex.
Baker: Yeah, I know.. I guess you could say I sexied it up for you! No extra charge.
Gay Guy 2: [ whispering to his buddy ] The party’s tonight.. [ to Baker ] We’ll take it.
Baker: Thank you! [ customers leave, returns to Young Man ] Uh, you’ll have to excuse me, it has been like this all day.
Young Man: What other types of cakes do you have?
Baker: Well, why don’t we take a look at our catalogue.. [ opens catalogue ] Now, you see this, it shows every sexy, titilating cake we offer. Oh, now here’s a woman squatting behind some bushes – the leaves are made of spun sugar. And.. [ laughs ] ..here’s a lady using a little mazipan port-o-potty.
Young Man: So, all your cakes are women going to the bathroom?
Baker: Yeah. What’s your point?
Young Man: Well, don’t you have anything else?
Baker: Maybe you don’t understand – this is an erotic bakery.
Young Man: I’m sorry, I just don’t find this very erotic.
Baker: A woman gonig to the bathroom, you don’t find it erotic?
Young Man: No, not really.
Baker: Well, then, what, pray tell, would you suggest we do put on our erotic cakes?
Young Man: I don’t know.. people having sex.. female and male genitalia.. you know, something like that.
Baker: Well, if that’s what you’re after, I suggest you try Hostess or Sara Lee!
Young Man: Can’t you just make a cake with a couple on it having sex?
Baker: Alright, look, I’ll tell you what I’ll do.. I will make a cake with a woman and a man going to the bathroom. And, that way, you’ll be happy, and your friends will be happy.
Young Man: I don’t think my friends would like that, either.
Baker: Well, I would certainly like to meet these friends of yours sometime.
Young Man: Look, could we just have a cake with sex and no going to the bathroom?
Baker: May I remind you that you are going to have to eat this cake?
Young Man: I’ll tell you what – just give me a regular cake with nothing on it.
Baker: [ closes catalogue abruptly ] I’m sorry. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.
Young Man: Why?
Baker: This is some kind of joke, isn’t it? Who put you up to this, a fraternity?! You get out! Go on, get out of here, young man!
[ Young Man runs out of the bakery ]
[ Woman enters bakery ]
Woman: Hi. Um.. it’s my fiance’s birthday.. um, can I get a cake shaped like a woman going to the bathroom?
Baker: Ab-so-lutely! [ winks at camera ]
[ fade out ]
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